it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
