i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
