That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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