Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
