my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
