I want you more than these girls want KFC
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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