I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
