I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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