Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
