Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
