I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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