Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
