K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
