it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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