Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
