The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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