She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
