Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
