we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I want to be your penis for a week.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
