i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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