M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
