meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
