All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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