Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
