Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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