after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
