used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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