he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
