I wish I only lived at night.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
