Swine flu. Run for my life!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
