"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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