i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My vagina just clenched in fear
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
