Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
