Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
