I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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