Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
