Plan B is the new Plan A
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
