Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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