If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
