In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
