I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
