the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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