this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
