i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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