it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
foreskin is a definite game changer
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
