So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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