drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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