Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
