my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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