I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
