margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize