do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
