I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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