omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
