You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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