I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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