Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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