theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
