zippers are such a cool invention
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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