And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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