Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
soo... how was my night?
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