god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
