I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dear god my vagina.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
