I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
