You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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