it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
