$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
