We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
