There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
