her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
