I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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