I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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